The Book Obsessed Loser

You can look at a person and instantly become attracted to them, but you cannot and I repeat you Can Not look at a person and instantly fall in love!

Because, before love, comes obsession, and before obsession, comes attraction.

For Example

SPOTTED: Hot ,gorgeous, blonde guy across the room.

Your eyes are glued to him.

When you notice him leaving your eyesight, you decide to follow him.

When you finally catch up to him, you witness him murder someone right before your eyes.

You scream!

You’re freaking out, your blood is pumping, your head is telling you to run, but for some reason your legs won't obey!

The hot, murderous, blonde guy is looking at you in shock, and shouting terms like mundane, demons, and shadowhunter.

And when you finally calm down and realize you not going to die right away,

you realize that you're intrigued.

You want to know more about this hottie and his world of legal killing.

And before you even realize that you're obsessed, you fall in love.

And then come marriage, and the baby carriage, but that’s not all, that’s not all!

Your vampire hubby didn't realize that the blanks he was shooting were the real deal, (and thank goodness not venom!)

So now you're stuck with some mutant hybrid child.

and let face it,

that child of yours is going to have a major complex for being the only one of its’ kind.

So it’s mission in life would be to create more hybrids, by using the blood of doppelgangers!

But that's neither here nor there.

The point is,

If an author wants to write a love story between two characters, they can't rush through the details on how they fell in love.

It’s the little details that get us readers invested into their story!

It’s your job as an author, to get us readers to fall in love, with your love story!

You caught our attention from the cover and the synopsis.

Now make us obsessed!

And only then, will we fall in love, with you and your writing.

Much Obsession,

Yours Truly,

The Book Obsessed Loser

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Each and every day as a kid I wanted to be something new. I tossed around a few ideas here and there like Princess Jasmine or President but those never really stuck because I wanted to be something badass! Like super spy or kick ass female assassin! I even flirted with the idea of timetraveler, but it was just so hard to pick between them!

Even now being 20yrs old I still can't choose.

The most logical thing to do is to combine them all!

and become the world’s most kickass Spy Assassin out there!

Going back in time and saving myself the torture and heartbreak of reading books that simply

weren't up to my standards.

Forming a HITLIST

and ridding myself a world of disappointment!

So lets play a little game of...

Can you Guess who’s on The Book Obsessed Loser’s HITLIST?

I can barely contain my excitement!

Much Love

Your Local Time Traveling SpyAssassin

The Book Obsessed Loser

I Spy with my little eye,

                       my first target!

Here’s a brief profile I conjured up about the target.

- The target is male

- Goes by “R” but has no name that he remembers

- Has no pulse

- and get this, no personality!

  Which make me wonder how the hell did everyone else love Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion!

The only logical theory that I can come with is that the book gives off some sort of mind control, and for some reason I am immune!

It had to have started with one person, just like all epidemics, and then that person passed it on to another person and then so on and so on.

When I first encountered “Warm Bodies”, it was already widespread. There was a movie set to premiere in a few months and there was youtube videos on how to get the “zombie R” look.

So I decided to see what all the “hoopla” was about and you know what

I liked it.

But for some reason everytime I put the book down I found it harder and harder to pick it back up.

It was like once I stopped reading the fog cleared and I was able to think clearly! And I realized the reason it was so hard to continue was because it was boring!

When I pick up a zombie book I expect there to be violence,

blood, guts, and flesh being ripped apart but all I got was zombies trying to remember how to shag and the Power of Love reversing the zombie effect.

To be honest, I’ve never been as disgusted by love in my entire life and I’ve read Flowers in the Attic(ok watched but you get my point!)

Warm Bodies, you have to go!

Your sad excuse for a love story and lack of zombie killing is an embarrassment to all zombies books!

Much Love

Your Time Traveling SpyAssassin

The Book Obsessed Loser

The next book that found its way on to my HITLIST and right under my scope..

would be considered sacrilegious to most and just plan crossing the line to others.

I’m not going to drag this out and have you guess who my next target is, i’m just going to say it.

The Shadowhunter’s Codex

by Cassandra Clare

I’m also not going to bullshit you and tell you this isn't personal…

because it is.

It’s VERY. FUCKING. PERSONAL!

You know, a lot of people have it out for Clare saying she’s milking the whole shadowhunter series for more money, but you know what.

 I don’t care!

She can make hundreds of shadowhunter books and as long as they’re good, i’m a happy camper.

But you know what Cassandra, this “Codex” book… was NO BUENO CHICHA!

We all or at least, I was very excited for this codex book and all the secret information that it would unveil, but then I come to realize that's it’s nothing but an illustrated book with recycle information that we already knew!... To say I was disappointed would be a huge understatement!

The only thing that felt truly original was the little scribbling side notes throughout the book from Jace, Clary, and Simon.

Everything else like the information on fairies, warlocks, and other Sups felt like it was Copied & Pasted from Wikipedia!

If we would have been told from the beginning that it was a collection of Fanart I wouldn’t have been disappointed because the artwork is truly amazing! But we weren't! and I didn't buy this book for the pretty pictures I brought it for the new information.

CC you have no one but yourself to blame for your codex’s ultimate demise.

And

Let this be your OFFICIAL WARNING, AUTHORS of 2014

Anybody can get it.

Favorite authors be damned!

Much Love

Your Time Traveling SpyAssassin

The Book Obsessed Loser

First and Foremost, I would like to say

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR!

Stepping into 2014 has me thinking a lot about my past actions, not just about 2013, but throughout my life.

I remember when I was in school, there was this one teacher who everyone hated

and for good reasons too, because she was a bitch….

and when I say bitch I mean STRAIGHT UP B.I.T.C.H.

Now this teacher's name was Ms. Ashburn, but we all called her AssBurn (because she was a major pain in the ass!) Sometimes we would call her that to her face and when questioned about it we blamed it on a speech impediment .

The only time Ms. Ashburn ever cracked a smile was when she was handing out detention slips, so we all pretty much deemed her as an pain in the ass bitch who needed to get laid!

I mean she obviously wasn't getting any, if her idea of fun was making all our lives a living hell!

Back then I used to feel a little bit guilty for muttering bitch under my breath whenever she swept past me on her broom, but  now looking back, I realised I was right.

Ms. Ashburn really was a bitch, and she really needed to get laid!

I know what you're thinking,"Wow Book Obsessed Loser, you’re a  childish, "Mean Girl" who needs to grow up…."

and you no what?

You’re right!

But if you  think Ms. Ashburn was a poor misunderstood ole’ lady… you’re wrong!

and

I bet you’re wondering how I know this.

I know this because i'm in the same exact position she was in.

Except replace bratty ass students with “meh” books, and Ms. Ashburn’s need for mind blowing sex, with my need of a mind blowing book!

And for those of you that don't know what “meh” means, it basically something (and in my case a book) that is neither good nor bad.

And when you spend practically a whole year reading "meh" books,  you start to get a little annoyed (and in my case just a little bitchy!)

And you know what 2014?

your predecessor wore me out

So,

If you don’t give me what I need...

I’m going to start giving out 1 stars and ranting reviews, like free clinics hands out condoms!

Much love

   &

Completely Yours

The Book Obsessed Loser

When I was a kid I use to love sitting in the back of mommy’s and daddy’s car and think of infinite possibilities of why things are the way they are.

On this one particular day we rode past this sign.

A sign that said Dead End.

As a kid, that sign spooked me,

I assumed it meant that anyone that went down that road would end up dead.

No matter what my parents told me I knew without a doubt that evil lurked behind that sign.

Every time we drove past  that sign I would get this numbing, tingling sensation at the nape of my neck, and my ear would start buzzing, and the buzzing will get louder and louder until I worked up the courage to meet Dead End’s stare.

See to me, Dead End is Alive, Real, and also Evil.

If there's one thing you should know, it's that

Dead End got it’s kicks off by killing anything that dared venture on to it’s land.

One day while me and Dead End were playing our usual game of peek a boo, It whispered to me that one day it’ll have me in it’s clutches,

that one day I will cross it’s barrier and I wouldn't get away.

Now usually I would have just stared back at Dead End and pray to GOD that today was not that day, while I watch Dead End disappear into the distance,

but sadly that day was not any usual day…

Yes, I met Dead End's stare and I prayed,

 I prayed so hard that I didn't  notice that we didn't drive past the sign…

like we should have.

like we’re supposed to do.

It wasn't until we drove into Dead End’s land that all prayers stopped.

I was paralyzed with fear.

I was in Dead End’s territory and I knew something bad was going to happen.

but nothing did happen….

We drove into Dead End's land and nothing happened,

when we made a u-turn to leave, 

Nothing Happened!

Dead End did not appear as some insidious beast blocking our retreat.

The car didn't splutter to to a stop for some inexplicable reason and no unseen forces grabbed at us through the window.

Nothing Happened…

We were safe…

And I was slightly disappointed.

Now don't get me wrong, I was relieved to not have to watch my family dismembered one by one in front of my eyes knowing I was next, but when you have these ideas and expectations built up in your head and nothing happens, not even

 a fizzle…

it’s off putting.

Much Love

Yours Truly

The Book Obsessed Loser

I do things backwards.

I treat the things I love like sh*t.

But the things I hate, I keep them in pristine condition.

One of my most prized possessions is a book.

And not just any book, but a Twilight book.

My Twilight book!

Now if you were to see it you’ll swear upon everything that I hated that book,

that I made it my life mission to ruin it!

But that’s simply not the case!

I promise!

I loved that book.

Even after what it became.

You can just call me Dr Frankenstein because this book,

Is my monster.

Like any new book you’ll find inside a book store, my Twilight book was in

mint condition.

It showed none of the foreshadowing of the abuse it would go through in my care.

In the beginning I showed prefect decorum, I was on my best behavior!

I used real bookmarks to keep my place instead of doggy earring.

Now a days I don’t care what I stick in it, as long as it gets the job done. I’m not picky.

(Wait did that come off dirty? Whoops!)

The more I got into the book the less careful I became…

Okay lets be serious,

I devoured that book!

The pages are ripped because I got a little bit too excited while turning the pages trying to see what happens next.

The pages have a slight wave to it b/c there was a glass of water and…

Well let just say I’m a tad bit clumsy.

And if you’re wondering about the spine…

Don’t!

Because I broke that bitch right in half!

And a few pieces of scotch tape is the only thing that’s keeping that poor cover intact.

A lot of people when they look at my book would scream abuse, but I honestly don’t see what they see.

Because when I look at my book all I see is beauty!

From its wrinkled, torn pages to its ripped cover to it’s broken spine, all I’ll ever see is my love!

I loved that book!

Word to word,

Sentence to sentence,

Paragraph to paragraph,

Page to page,

And

Cover to cover

I devoured that book!

&

Marked to with my love!

Much love

Yours truly

The Book Obsessed Loser

Reading can lead to obsession

And if you’re not careful, that can lead to a loose sense of reality

I’m not a very social person but this one night I decided to go out clubbing.

Now here’s a little bit of info about me

I don’t dance.

Okay well I do dance, just not in public, but in the privacy of my own room, because I was not graced with the gift of rhythm.

But that night, I was determined to go out to the club & bust a move.

So I put on my dancing shoes and went.

If you never went clubbing and you want to know what it like.

I’ll give you a hint

It’s euphoric

Everyone is filled with excitement and their energy is bursting off them and gripping on to you.

The music is pounding and reverberating inside your chest, as if it’s trying to consume your body and soul.

It’s electric.

I no longer had to count the beats, because everything just clicked, and I was in total bliss.

It was like I was in my own little world.

A world filled with possibilities.

Like the possibility of the club, I was currently attending was called Pandemonium

And the bodyguards were actually demons under glamour, and somewhere in the mass amount of people on the dance floor where 3 suspicious looking shadowhunters, that no one but I 

could see.

The possibilities were infinite

 I was so engrossed by them,that my dance partner had to physically shake me back to reality. One minute I was dancing and the next…

La La Land

But who knows, maybe I didn’t get lost in my obsessions,

 Maybe

 that night was the beginning of the glamour finally striping away….

And this has been

A glimpse into the life of

Yours truly

The Book Obsessed Loser

I’m pretty sure we’ve all read an amazing book. A book that was so good that you practically had no choice but to recommend to people, just as they have no choice to love it.

I’ve read a really good an amazing book, that blew past the standard criteria I have in order to be considered a “good book”, and landed in the area of “I’ll cherish you for life” aka “I’m obsessed”

So after I finished this amazing book I decided to recommend it to someone.

Can you guess what they did?

If you said they didn’t read it…

You’re wrong!

What they did was by far much worse.

They read a part of the beginning chapter and right before everything in the book was about to blow their mind.

They marked it as DNF

That’s like quitting Harry Potter right before finding out he’s a wizard, that there’s a whole world out there filled with mind shattering goodness that will leave you in awe.

And you explain this to them. You tell them to keep reading because it gets better way better! That this little bit that’s holding them back is a test. A test, to see if they’re worthily of it.

Like King Arthur and Excalibur

All they have to do is try a little harder, but they don’t.

You tell them the book is golden,

That King Midas himself touched it…

And they’ll take the book and everything you told them and toss it aside, like the stupid old women at the end the Titanic.

You know who you are,

And

 You disappoint me.

Much love

Yours truly,

The Book Obsessed Loser

I talk to myself.

Well not really to myself but to the people I imagine.

Before I got into reading, it used to be celebrities.

I’ll be closed up in my room playing cards with my imaginary friend, Justin Timberlake.

If anyone walked past my room at the time they would’ve heard an awkward one-sided conversation, of me turning down JT’s declaration of the undying love.

So naturally when I got into reading my delusions….

                                                                                                                                                                                 wait                                     

Didn’t I already make this post?

Yes I did

Here’s the link

So by now you already know that I have my delusional moments,

And I like to entertain them out loud.

Talking to myself is as much as a hobby to me as reading is.

In the last few weeks I’ve noticed an influx of people that now follow my blog.

The whole idea of someone besides my imaginary friends finding my thoughts remotely interesting

Is Bizarre.

In fact

It makes me a little skeptical.

Makes me wonder if you guys are even real.

It has me thinking that

Maybe my imagination took over and this is my very own Inception.

Either way

Whether you’re “real” or “imaginary”

I would like to say

Thank you

For finding my thoughts interesting

                                                          Much love

From your possibly imaginary friend,

The Book Obsessed Loser

This book was thrilling!

It’s a dark contemporary thriller but it had this paranormal feel to it, which is mind boggling!

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I love villains!

I have a whole post on my blog dedicated to my love for villains.

The fastest way to my heart is through devious behavior!

The more evil you are the more I find you interesting.

If a guy came up to me and told me that he’s a evil soulless, bastard that has every intention of making me his whether I liked it or not…

I’ll be putty in his hands!

Unless,

That boy was Gavin Mecozzi

If that twisted son of a b*tch said that to me

I think I might die of fear

Like completely

Drop

Dead.

My rabbit of a heart will cease beating and my perfectly fitted skinny jeans would be soaked with piss.

Was that a little bit too crude?

Just trying to make you understand, that there’s a difference between bad guys (AKA villains) and crazy people.

And Gavin is full crazy

And I don’t f*ck with crazy!

Okay I’m lying

Gavin may be sick, deranged, and creep me out to the pit of my soul,

But

I am utterly Enthralled by him.

One minute I’m melted marshmallow trying cling to his cold chocolate exterior in hopes of making the perfect s’more…

And the next I’m creeped out to the point I want to take a shower, but decide not to for the fear of being Psyhcoed.

Anyways,

Brilliant work

Nenia!

Looking forward to reading the sequel!

Books have a way with making you want things; even though you know that it won’t turn out well for you.

I don’t believe in love…

I’m not talking about the love you have for your family and friends…

I’m talking about “everlasting”, “unbreakable”, “forever”, love….

Now I wouldn't call myself a cynic, because anything is possible,

Like big foot and unicorns that fart rainbows…

But I consider that kind of “love” a fairy tale, something fun to read about and wish upon a star for…

But that’s it.

One of my favorite stories from J.K Rowling beside, “HP” would have to be the Warlock’s Hairy Heart.

Now if you have not read this short story from her, I highly suggest you do that, before you continue reading this.

 Because this post will pretty much spoil it for you.

So read it.

And come back!

…

So anyways,

I loved the story of the warlock and his hairy heart.

 Absolutely adored it!

It’s a cautionary tale, about keeping yourself open and not denying yourself the chance of experiencing something new…

And if you read the story, you’ll know that the warlock didn't want to fall in love…

So he cast a spell and then “poof” there goes his chances of love…

But later on, he decides to change his mind

Then Bam

It destroyed him!

I think the whole idea of everlasting, blah, blah, blah love is amazing!

& I would've loved to experience it…

But I have no doubt in my mind now, that it would destroy me.

And it’s all b/c of Tarryn

You know the saying,

“These characters are a work of fiction and if they remind you of yourself or anyone you know then stop reading…”

Yeah well I didn't get that warning, while reading the Opportunist by Tarryn Fisher.

The main character Olivia was a blast to read, being in her head was amazing for me!

There were so many moments in the book were Olivia thought like me and responded to things the way I would.

And it was wonderful to know that there are other people out there like me… even if they’re fictional characters in books…

And I was so sucked into this story, in Olivia’s life, that when something happened to her and she broke…

I did too.

It was like reading my future… in a book.

If I were a witch, my heart would be hairy, because I know deep down w/o a doubt that “true unbreakable love” is a fairy tale.

And the moment I decide to change my mind…

I will be crying in the fetal position with mascara rolling down my face, burning into my eyes creating more tears to fall.

Trying to protect whatever little pieces I have left of myself, from the unbearable pain of feeling like my soul is being ripped apart, while I watch the tiny shreds of hope I once had being slowly burned into ashes in front of my face.

Making me, hate whatever part of me that ever wished for a happy ever after.

From my hairy heart,

To your perfectly good one,

Yours truly,

The Book Obsessed Loser

Q. What do you get when you mix pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia?

A. Your average Young Adult Paranormal Romance…

Too dirty of a joke?

Well, you should’ve heard the original!

All jokes aside….

Let’s be serious!

Werewolves are sexy!

And I have no problem with necrophilia as long as the corpse is a vampire…

But I do have a problem with is feeling like a pedophile for swooning over some 15 to 16 year old KID!

And here’s where the whole “point” of this post comes in!

I want to start a petition!

For Cassie Clare, and all other authors alike to make their future characters of legal age! 18 and older!

We (their fan base) are aging and we don’t want to read about some 16 year old kid accomplishing more in life then we ever will!

       If you believe in this petition… feel free to leave your name below… (I’ll be sure to add it to the list)

I’ll go first 

  1. The Book Obsessed Loser

                                                   2.el-extrano-gato-del-cuento.blogspot.com

                                                   3.consoul.booklikes.com/

                                                   4.

Today I started thinking about evolution… not really about the whole “man was once apes” thing, but about the evolution of me and my reading desires…

I wonder where the whole “man was once apes” theory came from anyways.

I know in school they taught us about Darwin, but I never really cared about his whole “theory” but now I do wonder where he came up with this whole idea that humans were once animals…

Since I didn't pay attention in class, I can only guess that it’s because we act like animals sometimes…

We're territorial with an animalistic hunger.

Hunger for growth, love, lust, and power!

There’s an insatiable beast inside us that needs and wants more!

I noticed that, what once would’ve satisfied my desires, in the beginning of my reading journey, wouldn’t be enough for me now…

I just got so used to reading books with similar aspects, that

Tragic deaths and forbidden love is not enough for me anymore.

I’m starting to feel a little inhuman.

I’ve stopped caring if a main character dies...

The only thing I require is that their death should be epic!

I no longer care about impossible love or damaged heroes….

    because in my mind...

I AM A ROMAN EMPEROR!
WHO DEMANDS A VIRGIN SACRIFICE!

And No character who steps into my arena is SAFE…

I demand BLOOD, GUTS, and LOVE so forbidden it’ll make you sick to your stomach

and

The more I read, the more the need grows.

I don’t believe we were once apes but with each page I turn, I feel a little bit more… beastly.

Forever embracing the beast inside of me,

The Book Obsessed Loser

Have you ever been embarrassed to do something for the fear of being judged?

 How about reading a certain book?

If so you shouldn’t!

You can’t let the fear of judgment hold you back from doing what you like!

Who come up w/ these rules anyways?

Some wizard hiding behind some curtain that won people over with his sleight of hand?

And now everyone must fall in line and judge others, who chooses not to do the same…

If you want to read some book about some scarred up kid who happens to be a wizard, or some girl who falls into the world of shadowhunters, werewolves, and vampires oh my!

Then that’s your prerogative!

Same thing goes for the person that likes to read a certain book about a girl that somehow gets tied up into the world of BDSM. Like my pun there? “Tied up”… get it?

Any ways, when you think about it …

Our world is filled w/ blind followers and hypocrites!

When you’re a kid, you’re told to be creative, but once you’re older…. They tell you to color within the lines….

And when you watched Beauty and the Beast as a kid you’re told its okay to enjoy it, but when you’re older and decide to read 50 Shades of Grey…..

                                           OH THE SCANDAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                     

And right about now you’re wondering…..

“What does 50 Shades of Grey have to do with Beauty and the Beast?”

Everything!

Think about it!

A certain girl captures the interest of a elusive man, who decides to bring her into his world of Dominance & Submission. The girl gives up her freedom and eventually falls head over heels in love….

It’s really the same thing….

Except Anastasia had a safe word, while Belle was held captive until the Beast had a change of heart….

One’s a love story, about being beautiful inside and out, while the other is…

Smut

Dirty, Dirty

Smut!

Lol

I probably ruined Beauty and the Beast for you…

Or made it better, depending on your preference…

Either way, have no shame!

p.s you're a liar if you say this isn't kinky

From My POV

to Yours,

The Book Obsessed Loser